November 20, 2025
How to Understand What Truly Drives You
Understanding why we think, act, and choose the way we do is one of the most important parts of personal development. Over the years in coaching, business, and my own life, I have seen one theme show up repeatedly. People grow and people get stuck for the same reason. Their fundamental human needs are either being met or they are being ignored. When I learned the six core human needs identified by psychologist Chloe Madanes, many things finally made sense.
Each of us has different priorities at different stages of life. Yet every one of us shares these six needs. Certainty, variety, significance, connection, growth, and contribution. When we understand how these needs influence our choices, we gain clarity and personal power. We stop operating on autopilot and start creating life from intention rather than reaction.
Some people crave certainty. They want stability, predictability, and reassurance. Others thrive on variety and feel energized by change. Some chase significance, wanting to know they matter. Others seek deep connection or they prioritize growth through learning. Many of us feel most alive when we are contributing to something bigger than ourselves. None of these needs are right or wrong. They simply point us to what matters most.
This brings us to the five key takeaways.
- Your strongest need influences your behavior more than you realize.
- Needs often shift during major life transitions.
- Conflict happens when two people value different needs in the same moment.
- Growth and contribution create long term fulfillment.
- Self awareness is the starting point for powerful decision making.
Once I learned to identify which of these needs were driving me, everything changed. I was able to communicate more clearly, lead more effectively, and support the people around me without projecting my own priorities onto them. As leaders, parents, partners, and entrepreneurs, knowing our needs allows us to design environments that support success rather than sabotage it.
These needs also explain why people sometimes feel stuck. When certainty is low, fear rises. When variety is missing, motivation drops. When significance or contribution is absent, a person may lose passion and purpose. The good news is that each need can be met in healthy and productive ways. It only requires awareness and a willingness to shift our patterns.
If there is one thing I encourage readers to do, it is this. Identify which of the six needs is unmet for you right now. Then take one simple step that moves you toward meeting it. Small shifts in attention can create massive changes in energy and clarity.
