We have access to more information about how to live than any generation before us.
Want to know how to be happier? Search it. How to become more confident? Search it. How to stop procrastinating, become more disciplined, build a better relationship, become successful, exercise properly, eat better or change your life?
There are millions of answers waiting for you.
Yet we keep asking.
That got me thinking about whether the problem is really a lack of information at all.
Maybe we’ve become so externally referenced that we’re losing touch with our own internal compass.
We look at other people’s careers, relationships, homes, cars, bodies and lifestyles. We consume opinions about what success should look like and what happiness is supposed to feel like. Eventually, comparison can begin shaping our identity without us even realizing it.
One question I’ve found useful is incredibly simple:
If nobody knew you had it, would you still want it?
Take away the neighbour. Take away Instagram. Take away the person you’re trying to impress. Take away the applause.
Would you still choose it?
That question applies to far more than the car you drive or the house you own. It can apply to your career, relationships, goals and even the version of yourself you’re trying to become.
The work of self-mastery starts with knowing yourself. Not who your parents expected you to become. Not who your peers think you should be. Not who an algorithm suggests you should become.
You.
That requires something many of us have become uncomfortable with: stillness.
Steffany talks about asking the athletes she works with to spend time in silence after a competition or practice. No podcast. No music. No television. Just quiet.
Why?
Because silence creates stillness. Stillness creates discernment. And discernment gives us the ability to choose.
Without that space, we can spend our lives reacting to everything coming at us rather than consciously deciding what actually matters.
Five Takeaways
- Question what is actually yours.
Your goals, values and definition of success may have been influenced more than you realize. Ask yourself what you would choose without anyone else’s approval. - Stop outsourcing every answer.
Information is valuable, but another Google search, podcast or piece of advice isn’t necessarily what you need. Sometimes you need enough quiet to hear your own answer. - Create deliberate stillness.
Turn everything off for ten or twenty minutes. No phone. No podcast. No music. Give your mind enough space to settle. - Pay attention to your “how do I?” questions.
How do I stop procrastinating? How do I become happier? How do I stop overthinking? How do I become more consistent? How do I change my life? Instead of immediately searching for the answer, ask what is underneath the question. - Get clear on your values.
When you know what matters to you, decisions become easier. A confident yes becomes easier. So does an easy no. You spend less time second-guessing yourself because you have something internal against which to measure the decision.
The irony is that we have more answers available to us than ever before, but the most important answers may not be out there.
The journey toward self-mastery is an inside job.
Sometimes the first step is simply getting quiet enough to begin.